When it comes to be more at ease with others, some well-meaning advice can be cons-productive.
A board like “Be natural” or “Be yourself” for example is very difficult to implement. It is the same “spontaneous Be” because this is difficult to do consciously.
It can be yourself, spontaneous, natural when you do not think about but as soon as we said we must be natural or spontaneous, it becomes impossible.
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What to do to be yourself?
This is called a paradoxical: a set that includes in it an unsolvable paradox. What can you do consciously to be natural? What must you do to be yourself? What should you do consciously to be spontaneous?
Nothing. There is nothing to do to be yourself.
And it is precisely because you can not do anything consciously to answer these tips are blocking you. Looking for something to do, but you find nothing.
And this creates even more tensions and councils give the opposite result: you become more aware of yourself.
It is ceasing to be conscious of itself it is possible to be natural and spontaneous, to be oneself. Because at that point, you just react in the present moment without judgment.
And it happens when you accept that you and your way of being, and you put your attention on the people who are around you to know them better.
So next time you’re given advice as “Just be yourself,” “Be natural”, etc … remember that you are yourself and natural. Remember that you do not need to try to please anyone. Concentrate simply on others and allow you to express how you feel, what you live, what you are.
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Allow you to put you at ease.
If you are not quite comfortable, it’s probably something that makes you uncomfortable. Maybe you are in a fascinating discussion but you need to go to the bathroom and you do not dare say. Maybe the person talking to you is approaching too quickly for you and you dare not move away. Maybe you are in a noisy place where you have to make much effort to concentrate and hear what you are told.
In this case, ask yourself “What can I do to be more comfortable? What do I need to feel comfortable? “And allow yourself to do it!
Being yourself is to allow to be just …
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this article in French : Comment être soi-même, naturel et spontané.