Hypnosis provides an inner security that allows you to overcome shyness
Have you ever been frustrated to see people around you enjoying themselves, lauhging and talking easily with each other when you feel completely out of it ?
Anyone can be affected by shyness and social anxiety. It makes social occasions difficult and it makes you feel awkward, lost and inadequate.
Would you like a magic wand to transform your shyness into confidence and ease ?
What is social anxiety and shyness ?
Social anxiety quite common, more than many people realize. People who look very at ease and confident can be shaking inside. Sometimes, they just hide it better. Are all those people ‘just pretending’? Is the solution to social anxiety just to get better at pretending to be at ease?
Overcome shyness by putting a social act
The ‘fake it till you make it’ approach can bequite effective. Acting as if you were confident and relaxed can help you in social work situations. If you do what someone you know who is socially skilful does, you will find that you get better too.
Some people just improve their act to carry them into feeling comfortable in company. Others will find there’s still be some discomfort and anxiety, and are not able to enjoy their social experiment. This comes from behaving differently, but still feeling odd inside.
Why some people can’t overcome shyness
If you want to be relaxed and confident with other people in different situations, you need to feel that everyone else is just like you. You have the same rights and the same value as everyone else. And you have the right to speak and be heard and to enjoy yourself just as anyone.
If you regularly feel odd, or you believe that no one likes you or is interested in you, something might be missing.
Most people overcome shyness as they grow up into confident adults. But the emotions you experienced when you were young can ‘condition’ effect you to respond with anxiety instead of confidence and joy to social situations. With repetition, it becomes automatic and you start to believe that it is part of who you are.
But it can change.
You can overcome shyness since it’s about How and not Who
You respond to social situations with shyness because of what you have learned to do not because of ‘who you are. It feels like it’s who you are because you do it regularly. You have learned it and practised it until it became second nature. It is a learned and practised behavior. And even if it can feel hard to change it, you can actually update these patterns in your brain
5 tips to help you Overcome Shyness.
1) Focus on others
Shyness maakes you absorbed in yourself. Shy people believe they have ‘nothing to say’, no amazing stories to tell and think they are uninteresting. But think about this:
People will love you if they feel you’re interested in them. You don’t have to suddenly think you’re great to overcome shynes You can just focus on others and make them feel interesting.
Ask questions and cultivate genuine curiosity. If you are at a party with strangers, try to connect how everyone knows each other. You can ask questions such as: « How do you know Kathy? » (if Kathy is throwing the party J) or: « I live next door. Are you one of Kathy’s tennis friends? » This:
- Gives you something to talk about.
- Gives other people a chance to talk about themselves (for which they will love you).
- Takes your attention off yourself.
Until shyness fades more completely, the next tip will also help you out.
2) Prepare properly
Once shyness has gone you won’t need to do this; but whilst you still feel shy, practice preparing topics of conversation. If you have an idea of the type of people that are going to be at a gathering, then do a little homework. If many of them are sailing enthusiasts, for instance: Google the local sailing club, find out local sailing routes, prepare a few questions to ask about sailing.
If you feel shy at work, look out for interesting news items over the weekend and bring them into conversation on Monday.
Get into the habit of remembering what people have told you and referring back to it as future conversation starters: « Hey John, you know you were saying you wanted to see that film? Well I saw last night that it’s now playing at The Nomoorshyness Cinema! » or: « Jane, you were telling me that your daughter loves the circus; apparently there is a circus coming to town next week… »
But overcoming shyness isn’t just about talking more.
3) Send the right signals
Shy people are often misdiagnosed as unfriendly, aloof, or ‘stuck up’. Shyness can make us look unapproachable.
Research has found that we find people who smile and look directly at us more attractive (1). And people are 86% more likely to strike up conversations with strangers in the street if they are smiling.
Another benefit is that smiling even when you don’t feel like it actually makes you feel better – which can lead to real smiling. 🙂
An important point here: If you smile at someone and they don’t smile back, that is not your problem. We can’t make anyone accept our friendliness any more that we can make someone like us through sheer force.
4) Focus on putting other people at their ease
Working as a hypnotherapist I’ve seen so many clients who suffered from arachnophobia – fear of spiders. The trouble was, I had a fear of spiders myself! But rather than working on myself directly, I found that working to lift otherpeople’s fear magically lifted my own.
The point here is that by focusing on putting other people at their ease, you’ll find that you feel much more comfortable. Notice who seems a little more diffident or anxious and work to help them feel more relaxed.
5) Learn to manage anxiety
Shyness is really a type of social anxiety. Manage your anxiety by:
- Making your out-breath longer than your in-breath. Extending the out-breath begins to relax body and mind very quickly. Once you feel more relaxed, you instantly feel more sociable.
- Rehearse being confident. Mentally rehearsing being more outgoing and relaxed has amazing results. Lie down somewhere comfortable, focus on breathing deeply and slowly, and imagine watching yourself in the upcoming social situation looking relaxed, comfortable, and even talkative. You’ll be amazed how this ‘self-hypnotic’ preparation will affect the way you actually feel when you get there.